April 27, 2024

X - X Out Certain Thoughts


Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

While going to Grief Share meetings, the discussions we had and the things people shared helped me a lot, especially when it came to certain thoughts that are extremely common that need to be altered.

1. My mom wasn't taken from me.

It can often feel like our loved ones are taken from us. We'll even pray "Please, don't take [fill in with your loved one's name or title]."

I know when my mom was first diagnosed that I had prayed, "Don't take her away from me."

But I did not own my mom.

None of us own our loved ones. Everything that we say is ours (our significant other, children, parents, pets) don't belong to us. They are on loan to us while we are here. If you're religious, then they're on loan to us from God.

If we don't own them, then they can't be taken from us. My mom was my mom here, for which I'll always be grateful that I was blessed to have her as my mom, but she's more than that beyond my life and beyond her life. 

2. I didn't lose my mom.

This is a little similar to the first point, but slightly different.

It's common for people to say, "I lost my [fill in with your loved one's title]."

But when we lose something, we don't know where it is; that's why it's lost.

If you’re spiritual in anyway, then you believe in some form of afterlife. And there's comfort in that, because you then know exactly where your loved one is. They aren't lost.

For instance, I know my mom is in Heaven. I didn't lose her because she's not lost.

3. My mom is not her ashes. She's not in the box.

I heard someone say this about their loved one, and I promptly wrote it down because I regretted having to pick up my mom's ashes.

When I got home with her ashes, I did cry in my car with the biodegradable envelope urn on my lap, but after that, surprisingly, I was okay. My mom is not in the box. She is in Heaven. She is not her ashes. 

She is a beautiful spirit now--young, healthy, able to breathe deeply, able to sing as she had once in choirs, able to walk and run and dance and laugh.

I put the biodegradable envelope containing her ashes on the top shelf in her closet until my family can go down to Key West to spread her ashes in the ocean, as my mom had always said she wanted.



B - Beach

C - Church

D - Donating

E - Epistle (Letter from Heaven)

F - Facebook Posts

G - Grief Share

H - Haiku Poetry

I - Imari

J - Job (New Job)

K - Kitchen Time

L - Ladybug Rocks #LadyBugRocksFL

M - Miracle Moments

N - Nature

O - Our Story (Keepsake Journal)

P - Playlist + Photo Collages

Q - Quiet (Reading) Time

R - Removing and Redecorating

S - Sammy the Teddy Bear

T - Tauren Wells "Joy in the Morning"

U - Use + YOU

V - Videos of Wildlife

W - Wellness Journal

X - X Out Certain Thoughts


  1. All very important and helpful perspectives. The power of what we say can change the way we think and the way we feel.

  2. I'm not sure when that sentiment has an appropriate moment to be shared. I hope it sticks with me for when I need it in my quiver for my own needs as well as others. A very important thought.

    1. Usually when we hear things, it needs up being the moment we need it.

  3. Very true, Chrys. I hope peace with it comes to and stays with you.

    1. Thanks, Debi! Those thoughts did bring me a sense on peace.

  4. I never thought of it that way. It's true, though. You don't really "lose" people. They just aren't as accessible to you as they once were.

    1. I hadn’t thought of it in that way, either.

  5. Good insights, Chrys. I'm reading this as my father has had 3 surgery and is being kept sedated for another one and with no guarantee that he'll make it through.

    1. I am so sorry, Jeff. I’m praying for you, your father, and your family.