C - Church

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Growing up, my family went to church occasionally. I mainly remember going on Christmas Eve, which was always special. My mom, however, grew up going to church.

I've always been spiritual. I believe in many things. Things that people would find conflicting. Many would wag their finger at me and say that I can't believe in Jesus and also celebrate pagan holidays like Ostara (Spring Equinox), Beltane, Litha (Summer Solstice), Lammas, Mabon (Autumn Equinox), and Samhain/Halloween.

Well...phooey on them! 

Last January(2023), I got the urge to start bringing my mom to church. I thought it would be something she'd enjoy and would get her out of the house, and I would've loved to share that with her.

I asked her which church she'd want to go to. She said she'd want to go to a Lutheran church because she grew up Lutheran and liked the sermons she remembered from her youth, which weren't all "you're a sinner" and "sin this, sin that." Which I definitely wouldn't have liked, either.

I found a Lutheran church close by and attended it one Sunday in January to see if she'd like it. Well, I did like it, so I thought she might, too. I even explained how there was someone else there in a wheelchair, and there was room for her to be in her wheelchair so she wouldn't have to walk.

The white carnation I received at church on Mother’s Day 2023

because they knew it was my first Mother’s Day without my mom.

I wore my mom’s pink and purple butterfly shirt in her honor.

Unfortunately, she was having a lot of back pain at the time, which made even sitting in her wheelchair for five minutes unpleasant. She didn't want to go until we could alleviate her back pain. We were in the process of figuring that out (she'd even had the MRI done) when she passed away in March.

I hadn't been able to bring her to the church.

Nor had I been able to go again or watch the live streams with her because my mom was in and out of the hospital six times before the final time.

But the second Sunday after she passed away, I went to the church.

Then I went the next two Sundays.

And on Palm Sunday, and Maunday Thursday, and Good Friday, and Easter Sunday.

And many Sundays after that.

(I will admit to not having gone since just before Thanksgiving, but I did attend Easter Sunday.)

I felt close to my mom when I went after her passing. It actually made me happy and calmed me. And, well, I wrote haiku while I was there based on the sermon or day (if it was a holiday or important date). Writing haikus is another way that I connect to my mom, but more on that in H - Haiku Poetry.

Whatever brings you peace in the midst of your grief, do that thing, even if it's something you normally wouldn't do.

For my mom’s birthday month of August, I sponsored the eternal candle and altar flowers.

The eternal candle is in the red holder on the wall.

I was allowed to bring the flowers home. 

ALL A TO Z POSTS:

A - ASMR

B - Beach

C - Church