Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey
One thing you'll hear is to take your time. Don't rush. Don't change things too soon.
And there is wisdom in that. Taking your time ensures that you're ready for the next steps and don't do something or get rid of something that you'll later regret.
However, not everyone grieves the same way. And for some, waiting might be the painful part.
REMOVING:
The day my mom passed away, I started to get rid of all her medical supplies. Yes, I was sobbing while removing the blood pressure cuff, forehead thermometer, pulse oximeter, bathroom scale, and bedside commode from her bedroom, but there was a sense of urgency inside me. I HAD to get rid of the damn medical supplies that filled up her room the least year of her life. Over the next few days, I removed the labels from her medications and brought them to a prescription drop-off at CVS and took out the equipment from her bathroom. Doing those things wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
REDECORATING
The days following her passing, seeing my mom's room, which is at the end of a hallway that I can see from my living room (sitting on the couch, I can see into it), would cause me to cry because her recliner was in plain view. I could not close the door because my cats hate closed doors, and closing it partway reminded me of what I'd do when she took a nap or slept at night, so it'd make me feel as though she was there, sleeping.
So, on March 24th (21 days after she passed away), I moved her bed. Essentially, the head is in the same place, but the length of it is up against a different wall.
The next day, I remade her bed with clean bedding, her favorite comforter, my stuffed giraffe from the Brevard Zoo, and a bear in a pretty silk dress that I'd given to her one Mother's Day when I was a kid. Then I hung up one of her quilts on the wall. When I stepped back, I smiled and said, "Mom would've loved this."
March 26th, I continued redecorating her room because there was some sparse wall space and furniture from collecting the things my mom wanted her children and grandchildren to have. Before I did, though, I took a couple of pictures to remember how she had decorated a few spots.
I kept everything in her room but moved things around and added things that she had made me to the walls. I even brought in my own bookcase to display her favorite books since I was turning her room into a guest room/reading room/cats' room.
After everything I did, I’d said, "Mom would've liked that," which made it so much easier to change things.
Immediately, my thoughts about my mom's room and being in my mom's room changed. When I'd look into it, I wasn't stabbed by sorrow in my heart as I had been before I'd moved things around and redecorated. And when I'd go in there, the space felt incredibly calming and peaceful. I started to go in there during the evenings to read or watch something on the TV that we both would've liked, and to cuddle with my four cats.
Out of every room in my house, and everywhere we had ever lived, her room had always been where everyone was drawn to to hang out and relax. I was happy it became that way again.
D - Donating
E - Epistle (Letter from Heaven)
F - Facebook Posts
G - Grief Share
H - Haiku Poetry
I - Imari
J - Job (New Job)
K - Kitchen Time
L - Ladybug Rocks #LadyBugRocksFL
M - Miracle Moments
N - Nature
O - Our Story (Keepsake Journal)
Everyone is different. I certainly can see to immediately getting the medical stuff out-of-sight. Sometimes I think hospice even helps here, along with medications (which can be dangerous to have around). You do a nice job decorating.
ReplyDeleteMy mom didn’t have hospice, but I’m sure they would’ve helped, especially if they’d brought in equipment.
DeleteI understand your need to remove and redecorate. it must be terrible knowing your mom needed those in the first place. turning her bedroom into a place of joy seems like a good way to honor her.
ReplyDeleteIt was hard knowing that…seeing it. But it was nice to make her room into a beautiful, peaceful setting again.
DeleteI have only been able to read a few of your posts during the challenge. But when I have read them they have been very impactful. What a great thing to have all the previous posts available at the end. You'll be ready for the Reflections post! I know what you mean by removing the medical supplies. My Mom has 2 oxygen machines, a walker, a wheel chair, 3 pulse oximeters, a nebulizer and so much more, and my dad has just as much. Some of it we rent, some we own. They will probably accumulate more in the time to come. It's who they are now but not who they were and none of it will stay long once they are gone.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dave! That means a lot. My mom had all of that, too. I had to call the medical equipment place to pick up the oxygen tanks and machine. I still have her walker and wheelchair in my garage. I’m hoping to fund someone who needs a wheelchair and wouldn’t mind a purple one with butterfly stickers on it.
DeleteYour last sentence there…that’s very true. Something important to remember.
It is hard to remove your loved ones medical supplies... but they are the first that need to go. In going through all my mother's many many clothes, I found it therapeutic... and I found myself talking to her and laughing at all the clothes she had amassed. It wore me out in going through them all.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the A to Z for my 9th year.
Jeanne
https://everyonehasafamilystorytotell.wordpress.com/
It is an exhausting, emotional process.
DeleteYou have to do things in your own time. And your own time was immediately. I think the advice is there so people don't feel rushed to do something when they're not ready. Clearly, you were.
ReplyDeleteThat’s true. Everyone does things in their own time. No one should feel rushed or like they did anything too soon.
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