Oops…Best of Write with Fey 2023

 

I am late with this post. I usually compile it and post it in December of the year I’m highlighting. Well, it’s the end of January, and I am just now getting to it. Better late than never, right? 

This is my 12th year of blogging. Usually I have a plan for my blogging year about six months in advance. This year, I have no plan, aside from participating in the April Blogging from A to Z challenge. I already have those posts created. They’re very different than what you’ve seen in this space and deeply personal. Stay tuned!

So, what does it mean that I have no plan for 2024?

Well, I’ll be blogging infrequently, when I have something to blog about. Fortunately, while creating this post, I at least thought of one post idea. I’m mulling over a feature for the year that, again, will be very different and not exactly for writers, but about a writer growing up. That writer is me. They’d be personal essays, memoir style. Think in the realm of Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman. I’m just not sure if it’s something anyone would be interested in reading here. Let me know if you’d be interested or if it would be a hard pass. 

No matter what I end up doing here on my blog in 2024, to make sure you don't miss my blog posts, sign up here to get email reminders.

BEST OF WRITE WITH FEY 2023:

For Writers:

Forget To-Do Lists, It’s Time for Don’t Do Lists 

Are You Prioritizing Your Responsibilities Correctly?

It’s Okay Not to Write

The Frustrations of a Creative Life

Dear Undiscovered Writer

Disappointing Sales

How to Cleanse & Spring Clean Your Writing Space

Dear Perfectionist Writer

Dear Writer with a Problematic Story

Dear Marketing Conflicted Writer

Write What Makes You Happy

Do You Write? Then You’re a Writer!

Restrictive Writing Rules

Astrology for Character Development

Should You Keep Writing or Stop?

Depression Awareness:

Remove Trigger People

Disability and Poverty Depression

Publishing Depression

Books Recommendations:

My Romance Reading Journey

Children’s Books for Pride Month

Fun Promos:

I’m Dead / Vlog

Interview with a Killer

Flour Tortilla Pizza Recipe

Simone Rose, Medical Examiner Interview 

Witches - True or False

Tish McGinnis, Medical Examiner Interview

Personal:

Dear Mom, I Love You

My Muse Says, “Hi!”

Other:

Happy HalloRead! What I Do for Trick or Treaters

Astrology for Character Development

 

Astrology is something that not many of use when we’re creating our characters, but it can be a neat layer in your character development. Using astrology, we can learn more about our characters than ever before.

First, knowing your character’s sun sign (Aries, Leo, Pisces) can provide you valuable insight into the core of who your character is as a person, such as their ego and sense of self. All you need to know is your character’s birth month or day to calculate this, if you have a specific date in mind, or if you know a sun sign that sounds like a fun one, you can chose a birthday to coincide with that sun sign. You can research sun sign facts to understand the basics of each one to find a sign that matches your character.

My Muse Says, "Hi!"

 

In Greek mythology, there are nine goddesses (known as muses), daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, who preside over the arts and sciences:

Calliope – Epic Poetry

Clio – History

Erato – Lyric Poetry

Euterpe – Song and Elegiac Poetry

Melpomene – Tragedy

Polyhymnia – Hymns

Terpsichore – Dance

Thalia – Comedy

Urania – Astronomy 

Usually when we think of a muse, we think of a person or a force that is the source of inspiration for a creative person. Sometimes we visualize a fairy-type creature sprinkling us with glittery star dust, which can cause people to think that the idea of a muse as silly, and they balk at the idea of needing a muse to inspire them. They will say something like, “If I waited for a muse to inspire me, I’d never write.”

To me, a muse is a manifestation of your creativity that can make you feel less lonely in the writing process. This manifestation gives you someone to greet when you open the document for your work-in-progress or pick up a pen, someone to vent to or yell at when things aren’t going right. 

When I was little, I had an imaginary friend named Ena. As the youngest in my family, and often pushed aside by my siblings, my imaginative (and lonely) mind did the only thing it could to help me to grow, nurture my creativity, and give me a companion I badly needed and craved; it invented a friend for me and only me. I didn’t have to share her with anyone, and she was always there when I needed her. My entire family knew about Ena and embraced the idea of her. They would even ask me about her like, “How is Ena?” And I would be happy to deliver a report. 

Do You Write? Then You're A Writer!

Julie & Julia is one of my favorite comfort movies. In the beginning of the film, Julie says to her husband, “You’re not a writer unless someone wants to publish you.”

Wrong.

You’re a writer if you write.

Period.

That doesn’t mean you have to be writing all the time, either.

You’re still a writer when you’re blocked.

You’re still a writer when your burned out.

You’re still a writer when you choose to take a break.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a writer is “one that writes,” which should say one “one who writes,” but you get it.

Another definition is that a writer is someone who “expresses ideas in writing.”

No matter which definition you choose, all of them say the same thing…that a writer is a person who writes.

“Published” is never mentioned.

Write What Makes You Happy & Let Others Write What Makes Them Happy

Once, on social media, I read comments between two authors who mocked Hallmark Christmas movies, and they laughed over the idea of them writing stories like that. One writer responded, “Shoot me now.” The other asked a moral quandary question that went like this: “Would you write those cheesy stories if you knew you’d be able to support your family?” The one who asked added that she would because she’s a “sellout.”

That conversation, which I did not get involved in, stuck with me.

Dialogue like that, in public settings, can put other writers down. Someone who writes sweet romances with Hallmark-like vibes may have seen that and felt ridiculed for writing stories that make them happy, and also uplifts the spirits of so many people.

Writing “cheesy stories,” Hallmark-esque stories, sweet romances, romantic-comedies is NOT selling out. 

Nor is writing erotica, a genre that has become increasing popular over the years.

What we write is personal. It’s a decision.

Dear Marketing Conflicted Writer

 

Dear Marketing Conflicted Writer,

Do you worry about having to sell yourself and your book?

Many writers do. For some, the fear and aversion to selling is so strong that they do nothing to promote their books, which is absolutely in their right. No one has to do what they truly don’t want to do. If promoting yourself and your books fills you with anxiety and insecurity, don’t do it. You’ll be happier for it. At the same time, you have to be okay with accepting the possible results of not promoting—fewer sales, fewer reviews.

Then there are the writers who want to promote but worry about others thinking they’ve sold out. Why? Because there are artists out there who believe marketing is a bad thing, that real artists shouldn’t stoop so low as to promote their work, that the people who do are only after fame and fortune. They say you’ve “sold out.”

Dear Perfectionist Writer

 

Dear Perfectionist Writer,

In my post “Dear Stuck Writer,” I discussed how people could say you’re blocked because you’re not willing to embrace imperfect art and how that statement is not accurate for all artists. But now I want to discuss actually seeking perfection.

Aiming for perfection in the first draft (even your final draft) can cause exhaustion and lead to burnout. It can cause your muse to cross their arms and run away. 

It is okay to write a sentence that’s two words long. Sometimes I write a sentence that’s a single word long.

It is okay to write a sentence that is subpar.

It is okay to write a wordy sentence.

It is okay to write a boring paragraph.

It is okay to write a paragraph that is two sentences long, or one sentence long.

Z - Zzz (Naps to Heal from Depression) + BONUS

 

Napping has been proven to have many benefits, from relieving stress to improving test scores in students. By taking 20 to 30-minute naps in the middle of serious studying, students were able to retain more of what they had studied than students who didn’t take a nap.

Naps also can replenish our energy, but the key is to take a short nap. If you nap for an hour or more, you can wake up feeling more tired than when you laid down. Lying in bed, however, for 20 to 30 minutes is much more restful. All you need is a short nap to revive you for the rest of your day.

When you are suffering from depression, naps may be necessary. Many of us who suffer from depression can struggle with sleeping at night. I would lay in bed for hours, tossing and turning, while my brain yakked on and on about every topic, analyzed the day I had, and thought about the next day. By the time I finally fell asleep, my sleep wasn’t truly restful. In my dreams, I felt awake, as if I lived them.

Each day, I was extremely tired, hardly able to function. The only thing I could do was take a nap, and I did. I’d sleep for a couple of hours, from 1:00 PM to 3:00 PM. Yes, I lost a lot of time during the day, but I needed that sleep. After my nap, I’d finally be able to get work some done, and I made the most of it. I accomplished a lot, so no one knew I was experiencing depression or took long naps. No one ever saw me lagging behind, either, and I wanted to keep it that way.

If you find yourself in the same position, do not feel guilty for taking naps. You need it. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for napping, either. Tell them about your struggle and how tired you are. If they care, they will see your physical and mental exhaustion and encourage you to get some rest.

Y - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...To Be Young + BONUS

 

Many writers start writing at a young age, but not every writer does. Some may start in college. Others may start after they’ve settled down with a family. Still, there are many writers who start later in life, during their retirement. Whatever age you get bitten by the writing bug is when you are meant to start writing. It doesn’t matter if you are a child, an adult, a parent with a job, or retired. When you get the writing spark (a spark for a story) let it burn and write.

There is no age limit to being a writer or for when someone can start writing.

My mom started writing before she married my father, but she put it aside as she had children, as many mothers do. Then, when I was about five years old (the youngest child in the family), she started to write children’s stories. She picked up writing on and off as she did all the duties of a stay-at-home mom and continued when she had part-time jobs. She wrote adult stories as well, set during the pioneer times. Finally, when we were teenagers and able to take care of ourselves, she got back in to writing full force.

No matter your age or responsibilities, writing will always find you.

X - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...XOXO + BONUS

 

You don’t need love to be a writer...and by that, I mean you don’t need to have ever loved or been loved back by a significant other, by someone special, to write about love. You may not be in love right now, but you may write the sweetest romances. You could be a damn good romance author and have never been in a serious relationship. You could write the most realistic love scenes and have never been kissed. You could have a broken heart but write the most beautiful love stories with the best happily-ever-after endings. You may have never been and may never be married, but you could write about married characters people love and wish they knew...even wish they were.

That is the beauty of our imaginations. We can conjure things in our minds and make them real with our words. That, my friends, is the power of being a writer.

You won’t always have gone through the same things as your characters, but you can still write about them. You may not have experienced true love or love at first sight or love period, but you know your fantasies. You know your heart.

W - Write Down Your Dreams + BONUS

 

NOTE: I fell behind with visiting blogs and returning comments the past two weeks because I was having a really hard time with my grief after losing my mom last month, but yesterday I caught up with one visit each to the bloggers who had visited me during that time (if I was able to access their blog), and I will do my best to return comments each day to the end of the challenge.

I have extremely vivid dreams where I can remember every detail upon waking. Because of this, many of my dreams have inspired stories. I wake up from dreams all the time and think, “That would make a great story!”

30 Seconds came about from a dream I had where I was spinning around on a swivel chair, with rock music blaring, when a pair of hands stopped the chair, and a man in a police officer’s uniform kissed me. Hubba-hubba. Well, I thought upon waking, “How can I turn this into a story?” I stayed in bed, thinking about it and created Dr. Dani Hart and Officer Blake Herro. The dream I had is even a scene in my novella.

I have several other works-in-progress inspired by dreams, too. What I do is go backward and figure out what happened up to what I dreamt about, and I swap myself out for a female character I invent who works for the story. Or, more precisely, a female character steps forward, telling me it’s her story, not mine.

After examining the “Works-in-Progress” folder on my computer, I can tell you I have twelve stories that all came to me because of a dream. I also have a list of ideas I haven’t begun, and several of them originated from dreams.

V - Vision Board + BONUS

 

This is probably a technique that will make many people groan, but in my rock bottom period, I decided it was the perfect time to create a vision board to help me visualize what I wanted into reality.

On my vision board, which was just a white poster board, I had a picture of a house because we were nearly homeless, a picture of a car because we were carless, a picture of a stack of money because we didn’t have any, and a picture of a big digital camera because I’d always wanted one.

I looked at that vision board every night, because I had it tacked to my wall in front of my bed. I visualized those things in my life, and I sent out prayers to the Higher Powers and to the Universe to bring those things to my life in a positive way. I even chanted affirmations that I would get those things, instead of asking for it. “I will win my disability case. I will win my disability case. There’s no other option. I will win.”

U - UVB Rays (HappyLight) + BONUS

 

What is a HappyLight®? It is a therapy lamp that emits full spectrum (natural) light to mimic sunlight, which is used to increase one’s mood, energy, and focus, especially in the winter when many people go without adequate sunlight for months.

When someone is experiencing depression what is usually affected?

Mood

Energy

Focus

A HappyLight® lamp could provide someone with depression or winter blues (seasonal affective disorder or SAD) with healing daylight. It is said that a good 10-30 minutes (depending on your skin’s sensitivity) of midday sunlight several times a week, over about a third of your body (arms and legs), is what is needed to maintain healthy blood levels.

When someone has a vitamin D deficiency, they are at risk for osteoporosis, cancer, depression, muscle weakness, and in extreme cases, death.

Sunlight promotes the production of serotonin, which is responsible for all of our happy feelings, as well as melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Feeling upset/sad/lonely and not getting enough sleep are all things that someone with depression can experience.

T - Take Care of Yourself + BONUS

 

When I get stressed or am too busy with marketing my books, editing, or doing one of the many authorly things I have to do, I can neglect myself by not drinking much water, skipping breakfast, and even forgetting to eat my lunch until two or three hours past lunchtime. This is not healthy. Take it from me.

Years ago, I was so overcome with the release of my first eBook, Hurricane Crimes, that I ate, drank, and slept promo. Not an adequate form of nutrition, that’s for sure. I lost a bit of weight. One evening, I started to feel lightheaded and weak. I knew instantly it was probably because I hadn’t drunk enough water that day. Immediately, I got a bottle of water, and, while sitting in front of a fan, drank until I felt better. This was a big lesson learned for me.

Here are tips for taking care of yourself:

1. Hydrate

To maintain your brain power, you need water. Our brains are, after all, made up of about 70% water, and our bodies are 60% water. Experts say to drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily to help your metabolism and stay on top of your performance. Dehydration is not good. If you suffer from dehydration, you can become very sick. Keep up your intake of water. This doesn’t have to be straight water, though. Coffee, tea, and juice count.

I like to keep a bottle of water on my desk if I need it. I also have a coaster for my cup of green tea I drink in the morning, and for my cup of decaf coffee I enjoy in the afternoon with a sweet goodie.

Which brings me to…

S - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...a Support System at Home + BONUS

 

We all want to be supported by our family and friends. It’s only natural. But that doesn’t always happen. Many writers (and artists in general) don’t receive support from their loved ones. The people closest to them may not understand their wishes to spend their time writing for a number of reasons. The people in your life may outright ridicule your dreams or be subtler about it by not ever asking about your writing, which can cause pain, especially if you want to share it with them. They may say it’s a waste of time, not a good career move, not a reliable way to make money, that you won’t ever have the success of So-And-So, etc., etc. Over time, this naysaying can damage writers and actually push them to stop writing. Nothing is more devastating for a writer than to stop writing, for whatever reason. But to stop writing because you’re discouraged by your loved ones’ lack of support breaks my heart.

Again, we all want to be supported in our pursuits, especially if what we’re doing makes us happy and is part of our dream. When it doesn’t happen, it’s incredibly hurtful.

I have heard from writers who quit writing for this very reason and confessed that it was one of their biggest regrets. Why was it one of their biggest regrets? Because they are writers, because they love to write, and were meant to be writing the entire time they forced themselves not to do what came naturally to them. Eventually, many of them picked writing back up, but after many years had gone by.

The worst thing we can do is let the naysayers win.

R - Repeat After Me + BONUS

 

Daily affirmations are a way to train yourself in thinking positive thoughts, not negative thoughts. When you have depression, it is as easy as breathing to think cruel things about yourself, your life, those around you, your job, and the future. Beginning the day with healthy, positive affirmations can tip the scales in your favor. You’re starting off on a positive note, increasing the odds you will have a good day. If your day takes a turn, saying these affirmations can help your mind stay in a safe place. It can also calm you and remind you of what you need to know.

If depression is a daily battle for you, using affirmations each morning would be a good idea. If you go through periods of normalcy and periods of depression, as I do, using the affirmations every day during the time you are in danger of sinking into depression (or are depressed) could be a better approach for you.

While depressed and burned out and going through anxiety over my job, I used affirmations. You see, editors have a thankless job. I went through a period where editing caused me great anxiety, so I started to repeat to myself, “I am a great editor.” Over and over again. The first time I did this, I was sobbing.

Q - Quiet Social Media + BONUS

 

At a certain point, I found myself lying in bed each night, with the light off, scrolling through my Facebook feed, watching cute and funny videos of cats and dogs and other cuddly animals for an hour or more past my bedtime. Or I’d be exploring on Instagram, reading the trolling comments on celebrities’ posts. I’d get sucked in and hypnotized by the comments, reading each one that looked as if it was negative, and reading every reply to them as well.

Then in the morning, I’d tap in the code to my phone and check my email. While lying in bed. Never check your email first thing in the morning while lying in bed. This is not the way you should start the day, especially if there’s a chance you could have work emails waiting for you. There’s been times when I read an email that caused me stress or anxiety right off the bat, before I had even gotten out of bed. I’d start my day on the wrong foot. This is not how you want to begin.

During the day, I’d continue to check my phone constantly to see what notifications may be waiting for me, mostly emails. Every time I passed my phone on the counter, I’d pause to tap the Home button. Always. I couldn’t walk past it to my intended destination. If I attempted to, I’d pause, backtrack, and tap. If I restrained myself, when I passed by my phone again a moment later, I’d cave in then. Pause. Tap.

I started to notice these nasty habits and longed for the days of the flip phone that didn’t have social media apps.

Confession: I now have an old-fashioned flip phone.

P - Plot It Out (Writer's Block) + BONUS

 

Pantsing, sorry to say, can slow your progress if you don’t know what to write next, and it can surely be a reason for writer’s block. You have to know what you need to write next in order to continue your project. If you don’t have an idea, you’ll be stuck. You won’t write. You’ll struggle with figuring out where you need to go in the story. If that happens, you won’t be able to make any progress whatsoever.

I recommend attempting to plot out your book. Or be a plantser, a hybrid of the two. You could try planning out a few chapters ahead of where you are at the time. When you start to write the third chapter you had previously plotted out, begin plotting the next three. This way, you have the freedom of pantsing but with a plan, and you can still change things as you go.

At the very least, at the end of a writing session, plot out where you will start the next day, what will happen immediately after where you left off, and know a little bit of where you’ll be going in order to write a decent amount of words. This will help you get back in to your story faster and provide a clear map of where you need to go.

O - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...an Office or a Desk + BONUS

 

Sure, having an office and/or desk can make you feel like a writer, but you don’t need one to be a writer or to write. In my old apartment, my desk, which I bought for a few bucks at a garage sale, sat wedged in a corner of my living room beside my couch. I used that desk for a long time. Although it’s not my current desk, I still have it. Sort of. I gave it to my mom to use for her desk. The desk I have now I bought from a thrift store. It’s glass and metal with three tiers off to the side where I can set books, notebooks, and decorations. This desk occupied my bedroom for a couple of years in a section I playfully considered “my office.”

I envy those writers who have an entire room they can transform into an office or those who rent an office space, but I can’t do that. Not all of us can.

Embracing the space we have is important. We can write anywhere—on the couch, in bed, at the kitchen table/counter, in the bathtub, in the car. We can even go out to write (library, bookstore, the beach, the park). My mom would write on the bus during her commute to and from work. She still says that period was her most productive writing time since she didn’t have anything better to do on the bus.

N - Nature to Beat Depression + BONUS

 

Mothers nurture. The biggest nurturer of them all is Mother Nature.

Nature is healing.

Sunlight is good for vitamin D. Fresh air is cleansing. Plants, flowers, and trees are not only beautiful but essential to living healthy lives—from providing necessary oxygen to giving us nutrients when we consume them, which keep us from becoming sick and weak.

When someone is dealing with depression, they often don’t want to leave the house and don’t consider the benefits of being around nature, but I found nature to be one of the best remedies to my depression.

During my worst depression, springtime came quickly. I’ve always enjoyed gardening, even just weeding and adding fresh mulch to my flower beds. Pulling weeds is actually quite symbolic. While I removed unwanted plants, I equated them as the things in my life that I did not want, that were not supposed to be there—the drama, the pain, the suffering, the depression. When we remove weeds from soil, we make that soil better, richer, giving flowers room to grow. Upon expunging the things in our lives we wish to be done with, we, in turn, become better, richer, and allow ourselves room to grow.