What Rejections Still Hurt?

 

Note: I realize the title and graphics should say ‘which’ instead of ‘what,’ but this is a “Google” search, so just go with it.

Now, these rejections aren’t for the same project, but four different works. Two of which are currently on the back-burner while I focus efforts with the other two. I will label each rejection below the image with Project One, Project Two, etc.

Project One

I just got this rejection on 2/13/2024. When I found this agency/agent, I thought, this could go well. This could get me a partial or full request. I submitted. An hour later, a reply came. Keep in mind it was after 8:00pm. Usually such a quick turnaround means a rejection, but I was hopeful that just once a quick response was enthusiasm. Then came the disappointment, which only worsened as I continued to read the rejection.

Often, the same form rejections are sent to every writer, even when you think it has a personal touch. I had just received one that said my work had ‘merit,’ then a look at QueryTracker revealed that that particular agent says that to everyone she rejects.

Now, this one had the personal touch, actually stating that they loved the concept and my voice. Then came, “I don’t feel it’s quite what I’m looking for at this time.” No other words can be more infuriating. Looking at the agency’s website, my story was in the realm, but, yes, different.

Here’s why that’s so frustrating. Agents and publishers want what’s popular.

For example: romantasy is huge right now and a big want thanks to Sarah J. Maas. So if your work is, say, paranormal romance set in a world somewhat similar to ours but is different from other PNRs, then you’re shit outta luck. 

But the thing is, before Sarah J. Maas (romantasy) or Twilight (vampires) or Harry Potter (witches & wizards), nothing else had been like them. They set the path. They created the trend and the demand. So while sticking with the trend is profitable for agents and publishers, finding the next big thing would be EVEN MORE profitable. 

So that not “quite what I’m looking for at this time,” well, one day it may very well be. 🤷‍♀️

Restrictive Writing Rules

 

One of the biggest causes of writer’s block is all of the restrictive writing rules floating around out there. Many of these writing “rules” are created by other writers and editors. Most of the time, they are opinions, and writers fall for them, thinking they are law, but they are not. Usually you can tell which “rules” are opinions, like not writing sentences that start with “as” or “-ing” words (gerunds).

For Example: As she rocked the baby, she hummed under her breath.

Or: Shaking her head, she glared at him.

There is nothing wrong with those sentences. Nothing at all. They are grammatically sound. More importantly, you very well can rock a baby and hum simultaneously. You can also shake your head and glare at someone at the same time. Writing sentences like this is NOT a sign of a hack writer, as some would say (I actually saw this wording in a book for writers), which in fact is an awful thing to say. Talented, dedicated writers have sentences like this in their work. I do, and so do well-known authors.

The only time I have a problem with sentences that start with “as” or “-ing” words is if it’s impossible for a human to do the two actions mentioned at the same time.

For Example: Running upstairs, she hopped onto her bed.

Unless her bed is in the middle of the staircase, this does not work. The character would have to run up the stairs, enter her bedroom, and then hop onto her bed.

Dear Marketing Conflicted Writer

 

Dear Marketing Conflicted Writer,

Do you worry about having to sell yourself and your book?

Many writers do. For some, the fear and aversion to selling is so strong that they do nothing to promote their books, which is absolutely in their right. No one has to do what they truly don’t want to do. If promoting yourself and your books fills you with anxiety and insecurity, don’t do it. You’ll be happier for it. At the same time, you have to be okay with accepting the possible results of not promoting—fewer sales, fewer reviews.

Then there are the writers who want to promote but worry about others thinking they’ve sold out. Why? Because there are artists out there who believe marketing is a bad thing, that real artists shouldn’t stoop so low as to promote their work, that the people who do are only after fame and fortune. They say you’ve “sold out.”

Dear Writer with a Problematic Story

 

Dear Writer with a Problematic Story,

If something isn’t working, let it be.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, a story isn’t working out the way we want it to. Despite trying. Despite determination. Despite the best of intentions.

When this happens, the best thing we can do is to let it be.

Not to forget it.

Not to give up on it.

Definitely not to trash it.

Dear Perfectionist Writer

 

Dear Perfectionist Writer,

In my post “Dear Stuck Writer,” I discussed how people could say you’re blocked because you’re not willing to embrace imperfect art and how that statement is not accurate for all artists. But now I want to discuss actually seeking perfection.

Aiming for perfection in the first draft (even your final draft) can cause exhaustion and lead to burnout. It can cause your muse to cross their arms and run away. 

It is okay to write a sentence that’s two words long. Sometimes I write a sentence that’s a single word long.

It is okay to write a sentence that is subpar.

It is okay to write a wordy sentence.

It is okay to write a boring paragraph.

It is okay to write a paragraph that is two sentences long, or one sentence long.

Z - Zzz (Naps to Heal from Depression) + BONUS

 

Napping has been proven to have many benefits, from relieving stress to improving test scores in students. By taking 20 to 30-minute naps in the middle of serious studying, students were able to retain more of what they had studied than students who didn’t take a nap.

Naps also can replenish our energy, but the key is to take a short nap. If you nap for an hour or more, you can wake up feeling more tired than when you laid down. Lying in bed, however, for 20 to 30 minutes is much more restful. All you need is a short nap to revive you for the rest of your day.

When you are suffering from depression, naps may be necessary. Many of us who suffer from depression can struggle with sleeping at night. I would lay in bed for hours, tossing and turning, while my brain yakked on and on about every topic, analyzed the day I had, and thought about the next day. By the time I finally fell asleep, my sleep wasn’t truly restful. In my dreams, I felt awake, as if I lived them.

Each day, I was extremely tired, hardly able to function. The only thing I could do was take a nap, and I did. I’d sleep for a couple of hours, from 1:00 PM to 3:00 PM. Yes, I lost a lot of time during the day, but I needed that sleep. After my nap, I’d finally be able to get work some done, and I made the most of it. I accomplished a lot, so no one knew I was experiencing depression or took long naps. No one ever saw me lagging behind, either, and I wanted to keep it that way.

If you find yourself in the same position, do not feel guilty for taking naps. You need it. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for napping, either. Tell them about your struggle and how tired you are. If they care, they will see your physical and mental exhaustion and encourage you to get some rest.

Y - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...To Be Young + BONUS

 

Many writers start writing at a young age, but not every writer does. Some may start in college. Others may start after they’ve settled down with a family. Still, there are many writers who start later in life, during their retirement. Whatever age you get bitten by the writing bug is when you are meant to start writing. It doesn’t matter if you are a child, an adult, a parent with a job, or retired. When you get the writing spark (a spark for a story) let it burn and write.

There is no age limit to being a writer or for when someone can start writing.

My mom started writing before she married my father, but she put it aside as she had children, as many mothers do. Then, when I was about five years old (the youngest child in the family), she started to write children’s stories. She picked up writing on and off as she did all the duties of a stay-at-home mom and continued when she had part-time jobs. She wrote adult stories as well, set during the pioneer times. Finally, when we were teenagers and able to take care of ourselves, she got back in to writing full force.

No matter your age or responsibilities, writing will always find you.

X - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...XOXO + BONUS

 

You don’t need love to be a writer...and by that, I mean you don’t need to have ever loved or been loved back by a significant other, by someone special, to write about love. You may not be in love right now, but you may write the sweetest romances. You could be a damn good romance author and have never been in a serious relationship. You could write the most realistic love scenes and have never been kissed. You could have a broken heart but write the most beautiful love stories with the best happily-ever-after endings. You may have never been and may never be married, but you could write about married characters people love and wish they knew...even wish they were.

That is the beauty of our imaginations. We can conjure things in our minds and make them real with our words. That, my friends, is the power of being a writer.

You won’t always have gone through the same things as your characters, but you can still write about them. You may not have experienced true love or love at first sight or love period, but you know your fantasies. You know your heart.

W - Write Down Your Dreams + BONUS

 

NOTE: I fell behind with visiting blogs and returning comments the past two weeks because I was having a really hard time with my grief after losing my mom last month, but yesterday I caught up with one visit each to the bloggers who had visited me during that time (if I was able to access their blog), and I will do my best to return comments each day to the end of the challenge.

I have extremely vivid dreams where I can remember every detail upon waking. Because of this, many of my dreams have inspired stories. I wake up from dreams all the time and think, “That would make a great story!”

30 Seconds came about from a dream I had where I was spinning around on a swivel chair, with rock music blaring, when a pair of hands stopped the chair, and a man in a police officer’s uniform kissed me. Hubba-hubba. Well, I thought upon waking, “How can I turn this into a story?” I stayed in bed, thinking about it and created Dr. Dani Hart and Officer Blake Herro. The dream I had is even a scene in my novella.

I have several other works-in-progress inspired by dreams, too. What I do is go backward and figure out what happened up to what I dreamt about, and I swap myself out for a female character I invent who works for the story. Or, more precisely, a female character steps forward, telling me it’s her story, not mine.

After examining the “Works-in-Progress” folder on my computer, I can tell you I have twelve stories that all came to me because of a dream. I also have a list of ideas I haven’t begun, and several of them originated from dreams.

V - Vision Board + BONUS

 

This is probably a technique that will make many people groan, but in my rock bottom period, I decided it was the perfect time to create a vision board to help me visualize what I wanted into reality.

On my vision board, which was just a white poster board, I had a picture of a house because we were nearly homeless, a picture of a car because we were carless, a picture of a stack of money because we didn’t have any, and a picture of a big digital camera because I’d always wanted one.

I looked at that vision board every night, because I had it tacked to my wall in front of my bed. I visualized those things in my life, and I sent out prayers to the Higher Powers and to the Universe to bring those things to my life in a positive way. I even chanted affirmations that I would get those things, instead of asking for it. “I will win my disability case. I will win my disability case. There’s no other option. I will win.”

U - UVB Rays (HappyLight) + BONUS

 

What is a HappyLight®? It is a therapy lamp that emits full spectrum (natural) light to mimic sunlight, which is used to increase one’s mood, energy, and focus, especially in the winter when many people go without adequate sunlight for months.

When someone is experiencing depression what is usually affected?

Mood

Energy

Focus

A HappyLight® lamp could provide someone with depression or winter blues (seasonal affective disorder or SAD) with healing daylight. It is said that a good 10-30 minutes (depending on your skin’s sensitivity) of midday sunlight several times a week, over about a third of your body (arms and legs), is what is needed to maintain healthy blood levels.

When someone has a vitamin D deficiency, they are at risk for osteoporosis, cancer, depression, muscle weakness, and in extreme cases, death.

Sunlight promotes the production of serotonin, which is responsible for all of our happy feelings, as well as melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Feeling upset/sad/lonely and not getting enough sleep are all things that someone with depression can experience.

T - Take Care of Yourself + BONUS

 

When I get stressed or am too busy with marketing my books, editing, or doing one of the many authorly things I have to do, I can neglect myself by not drinking much water, skipping breakfast, and even forgetting to eat my lunch until two or three hours past lunchtime. This is not healthy. Take it from me.

Years ago, I was so overcome with the release of my first eBook, Hurricane Crimes, that I ate, drank, and slept promo. Not an adequate form of nutrition, that’s for sure. I lost a bit of weight. One evening, I started to feel lightheaded and weak. I knew instantly it was probably because I hadn’t drunk enough water that day. Immediately, I got a bottle of water, and, while sitting in front of a fan, drank until I felt better. This was a big lesson learned for me.

Here are tips for taking care of yourself:

1. Hydrate

To maintain your brain power, you need water. Our brains are, after all, made up of about 70% water, and our bodies are 60% water. Experts say to drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily to help your metabolism and stay on top of your performance. Dehydration is not good. If you suffer from dehydration, you can become very sick. Keep up your intake of water. This doesn’t have to be straight water, though. Coffee, tea, and juice count.

I like to keep a bottle of water on my desk if I need it. I also have a coaster for my cup of green tea I drink in the morning, and for my cup of decaf coffee I enjoy in the afternoon with a sweet goodie.

Which brings me to…

S - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...a Support System at Home + BONUS

 

We all want to be supported by our family and friends. It’s only natural. But that doesn’t always happen. Many writers (and artists in general) don’t receive support from their loved ones. The people closest to them may not understand their wishes to spend their time writing for a number of reasons. The people in your life may outright ridicule your dreams or be subtler about it by not ever asking about your writing, which can cause pain, especially if you want to share it with them. They may say it’s a waste of time, not a good career move, not a reliable way to make money, that you won’t ever have the success of So-And-So, etc., etc. Over time, this naysaying can damage writers and actually push them to stop writing. Nothing is more devastating for a writer than to stop writing, for whatever reason. But to stop writing because you’re discouraged by your loved ones’ lack of support breaks my heart.

Again, we all want to be supported in our pursuits, especially if what we’re doing makes us happy and is part of our dream. When it doesn’t happen, it’s incredibly hurtful.

I have heard from writers who quit writing for this very reason and confessed that it was one of their biggest regrets. Why was it one of their biggest regrets? Because they are writers, because they love to write, and were meant to be writing the entire time they forced themselves not to do what came naturally to them. Eventually, many of them picked writing back up, but after many years had gone by.

The worst thing we can do is let the naysayers win.

R - Repeat After Me + BONUS

 

Daily affirmations are a way to train yourself in thinking positive thoughts, not negative thoughts. When you have depression, it is as easy as breathing to think cruel things about yourself, your life, those around you, your job, and the future. Beginning the day with healthy, positive affirmations can tip the scales in your favor. You’re starting off on a positive note, increasing the odds you will have a good day. If your day takes a turn, saying these affirmations can help your mind stay in a safe place. It can also calm you and remind you of what you need to know.

If depression is a daily battle for you, using affirmations each morning would be a good idea. If you go through periods of normalcy and periods of depression, as I do, using the affirmations every day during the time you are in danger of sinking into depression (or are depressed) could be a better approach for you.

While depressed and burned out and going through anxiety over my job, I used affirmations. You see, editors have a thankless job. I went through a period where editing caused me great anxiety, so I started to repeat to myself, “I am a great editor.” Over and over again. The first time I did this, I was sobbing.

Q - Quiet Social Media + BONUS

 

At a certain point, I found myself lying in bed each night, with the light off, scrolling through my Facebook feed, watching cute and funny videos of cats and dogs and other cuddly animals for an hour or more past my bedtime. Or I’d be exploring on Instagram, reading the trolling comments on celebrities’ posts. I’d get sucked in and hypnotized by the comments, reading each one that looked as if it was negative, and reading every reply to them as well.

Then in the morning, I’d tap in the code to my phone and check my email. While lying in bed. Never check your email first thing in the morning while lying in bed. This is not the way you should start the day, especially if there’s a chance you could have work emails waiting for you. There’s been times when I read an email that caused me stress or anxiety right off the bat, before I had even gotten out of bed. I’d start my day on the wrong foot. This is not how you want to begin.

During the day, I’d continue to check my phone constantly to see what notifications may be waiting for me, mostly emails. Every time I passed my phone on the counter, I’d pause to tap the Home button. Always. I couldn’t walk past it to my intended destination. If I attempted to, I’d pause, backtrack, and tap. If I restrained myself, when I passed by my phone again a moment later, I’d cave in then. Pause. Tap.

I started to notice these nasty habits and longed for the days of the flip phone that didn’t have social media apps.

Confession: I now have an old-fashioned flip phone.

P - Plot It Out (Writer's Block) + BONUS

 

Pantsing, sorry to say, can slow your progress if you don’t know what to write next, and it can surely be a reason for writer’s block. You have to know what you need to write next in order to continue your project. If you don’t have an idea, you’ll be stuck. You won’t write. You’ll struggle with figuring out where you need to go in the story. If that happens, you won’t be able to make any progress whatsoever.

I recommend attempting to plot out your book. Or be a plantser, a hybrid of the two. You could try planning out a few chapters ahead of where you are at the time. When you start to write the third chapter you had previously plotted out, begin plotting the next three. This way, you have the freedom of pantsing but with a plan, and you can still change things as you go.

At the very least, at the end of a writing session, plot out where you will start the next day, what will happen immediately after where you left off, and know a little bit of where you’ll be going in order to write a decent amount of words. This will help you get back in to your story faster and provide a clear map of where you need to go.

O - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...an Office or a Desk + BONUS

 

Sure, having an office and/or desk can make you feel like a writer, but you don’t need one to be a writer or to write. In my old apartment, my desk, which I bought for a few bucks at a garage sale, sat wedged in a corner of my living room beside my couch. I used that desk for a long time. Although it’s not my current desk, I still have it. Sort of. I gave it to my mom to use for her desk. The desk I have now I bought from a thrift store. It’s glass and metal with three tiers off to the side where I can set books, notebooks, and decorations. This desk occupied my bedroom for a couple of years in a section I playfully considered “my office.”

I envy those writers who have an entire room they can transform into an office or those who rent an office space, but I can’t do that. Not all of us can.

Embracing the space we have is important. We can write anywhere—on the couch, in bed, at the kitchen table/counter, in the bathtub, in the car. We can even go out to write (library, bookstore, the beach, the park). My mom would write on the bus during her commute to and from work. She still says that period was her most productive writing time since she didn’t have anything better to do on the bus.

N - Nature to Beat Depression + BONUS

 

Mothers nurture. The biggest nurturer of them all is Mother Nature.

Nature is healing.

Sunlight is good for vitamin D. Fresh air is cleansing. Plants, flowers, and trees are not only beautiful but essential to living healthy lives—from providing necessary oxygen to giving us nutrients when we consume them, which keep us from becoming sick and weak.

When someone is dealing with depression, they often don’t want to leave the house and don’t consider the benefits of being around nature, but I found nature to be one of the best remedies to my depression.

During my worst depression, springtime came quickly. I’ve always enjoyed gardening, even just weeding and adding fresh mulch to my flower beds. Pulling weeds is actually quite symbolic. While I removed unwanted plants, I equated them as the things in my life that I did not want, that were not supposed to be there—the drama, the pain, the suffering, the depression. When we remove weeds from soil, we make that soil better, richer, giving flowers room to grow. Upon expunging the things in our lives we wish to be done with, we, in turn, become better, richer, and allow ourselves room to grow.

M - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...Money + BONUS

 

There have been many writers who were poor or struggling financially due to job loss, disability, or being a single parent who went on to finish writing their books. They also published their books and made a name for themselves.

How much money you have in your bank account doesn’t reflect how good or bad of a writer you are. Make your writing valuable.

I’ve had just a few dollars in my bank account and didn’t know where more money would be coming from. I’ve worried over how I’d feed myself and those I supported. I didn’t even have food for my cats at times. (Don’t worry—I gave them what little healthy food they could eat from my own provisions. They never went hungry.) I’ve feared not being able to pay rent and wondered where I’d be living in a matter of weeks. During those hard times, I continued to write.

Even while deep in stress and depression and fear, I wrote. I had to. It was the only thing that let me escape my troubles, made me happy. Sure, having money would’ve taken away my worries. Sure, having money would’ve been grand; no one wants to be poor. I don’t care how much movies and fiction romanticize being poor, it’s hard. The stories of famous individuals who came from nothing and made it big only romanticize it more, but believe me, it takes a lot. Those people got to be where they are now through hard work, determination, courage, talent, timing, and maybe even a smidge of luck. What it doesn’t take is money.

L - To Be a Writer, You Don't Need...a Laptop + BONUS

 

Usually when we imagine writers at work, we see them plucking away at a laptop in a coffee shop or in a dusty room or at their kitchen table, deep in their story. But owning or using a laptop doesn’t make you a writer. Writing with any writing utensil/device makes you a writer.

When I started writing seriously, I wrote by hand, filling up dozens of notebooks with three books in a series. After I would finish one book, I’d have a blast typing that story up, day after day, using my family’s only computer, which we had because my mom (fortunately) inherited money and bought it. Gosh, that was so much fun. I would rock out to music while reliving the story I wrote over the course of a year or more. That was one of the times when I truly felt like a writer.

I didn’t even own my first laptop until 2015. Yes, really.

Before then I’d been using that very same computer my mom had bought. I used it for over a decade. I completed several full-length books on that computer, most of them going over 100,000 words. I wrote four eBooks and one print book on that computer, which were all published by The Wild Rose Press.