A Girl from Pluto Ep. 5

     

This series will contain posts styled as a memoir with memories that I feel like sharing. I first wrote these articles in 2017 when I was suffering from burnout. I may post one or two a month. I hope you enjoy these intimate glimpses into the life of...

Episode 5

Is She Anorexic?

I have always been skinny...too skinny...boney. I knew it, even at a young age, but I was never made aware of it, or made to think it was “wrong,” until I heard my best friend’s grandmother say to her mom, “Is she anorexic?” I was standing right behind her, and she didn’t even try to whisper it. I stared at the back of her dark, curly head in shock. Did she really just say that? About an eleven-year-old girl?? And right in front of her???

I peered at my best friend’s mom to see what she’d do. She caught my eye, knowing I heard. She gave a little laugh and said, “No she is not anorexic.”

The grandmother looked over her shoulder at me with her face scrunched up. She clearly didn’t believe her.

Let’s just make it clear that I have never been anorexic or bulimic. I have never gone on a diet to lose weight or done anything drastic to be thin.

I know there were people who looked at me then, and may even look at me now, and thought, “Get that girl a sandwich.”

In case you’re wondering, I love food. I eat a lot. I love chocolate, donuts, bread, pasta, pizza, tacos. Enchiladas! When I’m hungry, I eat. Period.

Let’s make another thing clear…I never liked being the skinniest girl in class. I didn’t like being called “flat” in 6th grade when other girls were developing. I didn’t like being called boney or twiggy. Never. Not once.

As a matter of fact, when I was in 6th grade, I weighed myself a lot to see if I gained anymore weight because I desperately wanted to reach 100 pounds. I made my way ounce by ounce, but it seemed to hover at 98 forever. No. I want to be 100! I want to be normal. If I can get to 100, then I can get to where my best friend is, and no one will look at me and think I’m anorexic.

Talking about weight is damaging for anyone, child or adult.

I lost 15 pounds after my spine surgery. That was a lot! I was even bonier.

In 10th grade, after my surgery, I fought to gain that weight back. By the end of the year, I was around 130 pounds. My friends noticed and were proud of me. Proud? Really? But then again, I had wanted to gain weight, and they knew that.

***

Years later, on social media, something that bothered me was how my friends would share photos with quotes that talked about how women without curves were like roads without bends.

Really? So we’re comparing ourselves to roads now? Who came up with that?

There were sayings worse than this, like: Bones are for dogs, meat is for men.

This one offended me the most.

So, you’re saying I’m a bone that a dog should chew on? You’re making me less of a woman, less of a person. You’re saying I’m a fucking chew toy. And you’re insinuating that no man could ever love me for me because I don’t have “meat on my bones?” No one can love a thin woman?

There’s one more: “Where do men put their hands on skinny girls?” 

Do I not have all the same body parts? Just because a woman is thin doesn’t mean a man can’t find a place to put his hands. 

***

Picking on a woman for her size is wrong in every which way.

If you’ve got curves, go ahead and flaunt them, but don’t say nasty things about women who don’t have them. The same is true for the reverse.

And while it’s true that women get bullied for having curves, it’s not a one-way street. Women who are skinny/flat/narrow get picked on, too. 

We need to STOP being mean to each other and realize we’re in this together. We're all beautiful, and the more we knock each other down for how much we weigh, the more we are giving each other insecurities and traumas that will only continue down our lines to the next generations. Sadly, I don't see us stopping this practice, but it's a nice thought.