Click the image to explore the Disaster Crimes series.

NOTICE:


DISCLOSURE:

This site uses affiliate links for Bookshop.org, an online marketplace that supports independent bookstores. Chrys Fey will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

April 04, 2018

Stress Relief for Criticism




Getting harsh criticism is tough and is certainly hard to swallow. When you get harsh criticism, you could want to bite back and list all the ways they’re wrong. I have a remedy to stop you from doing that.

Get a Dammit Doll®.

Dammit Dolls® are for stress relief.

When you get a rude critique or nasty review, hit your dammit doll against your desk. Get out all of your frustrations. If you don’t want a dammit doll, punch a pillow or couch cushion until you’re exhausted.

If a reply is necessary, such as through email exchanges with a critique partner, send a reply back to that critic thanking him or her for their suggestions. Even if you have no intentions of using them. That’s it. Kill ‘em with kindness. In any other case, don't even respond or comment. That's when the trolls come out and you could land yourself in a mess.

Get a Dammit Doll®That is my technique to staying out of trouble when it comes to nasty critiques.


QUESTION: What do you hit to relieve tension?


RELEASE DAY HELP:

I'm looking for bloggers to help me announce the release of Write with Fey: 10 Sparks to Guide You from Idea to Publication

***The release day announcement will contain the blurb, buy links, cover photo, bio, author photo, and hopefully a giveaway, so you can add it to any post.***

You Choose: Any day from June 5th - 18th




93 comments:

Annalisa Crawford said...

I saw on Facebook you're entering the painful period of your recovery. I hope it doesn't last too long, and you've got a lot of nice treats to see you through!

That dammit doll is awesome, and I really want one :-)

The Cynical Sailor said...

I need one of those dolls :-) Hope you're on the road to recovery. Sounds painful. Happy to help with the release and have filled out the form.

Cheers - Ellen | http://thecynicalsailor.blogspot.com/

Erika Beebe said...

Haha! I love that idea! Thank you.

nashvillecats2 said...

Hope you're feeling better Chrys, your "Dammit Doll" is a must for me.

Yvonne.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I need one of those. I have a stuffed referee that comes apart when you slam him against things which is perfect for football games - and bad calls.

Ronel Janse van Vuuren said...

"Kill ‘em with kindness." Love that! I think I should get a Dammit Doll :-) I hope you feel better soon.

Christine Rains said...

Ha! That doll is neat. It's like a stress ball. To release tension I clean or do some exercises. Mostly clean!

Yolanda Renée said...

Love the dammit doll!
Feel better soon!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I love it. I'd probably scare the crap out of Star and Rocket though.

emaginette said...

I hope you feel better soon.

What do I do when tense? Usually my tension is self created and to repair the damage I write it out. Vent into the computer until I feel better then delete the entry. :-)

Anna from elements of emaginette

Juneta key said...

Feel better soon beautiful girl. https://www.junetakey.com/

Elizabeth Seckman said...

I use chocolate and my butt shows it.

I hope you're feeling better!

Rachna Chhabria said...

I like that doll.

Wishing you a speedy recovery from your tonsillectomy.

Crystal Collier said...

I need to get my son one of those. :) I used to go biking when I was frustrated, just a quick spin around the neighborhood. These days I go find a book. I need to get back to the physical exertion thing. That was so healthy.

Chemist Ken said...

All this fear and loathing of rejections makes we worried about what will happen when I finally finish my story. I might be too afraid to submit in anywhere.

Chrys Fey said...

Loathing rejections and harsh criticism and nasty reviews is normal. Don’t let any of that stop you. Many writers do, and it’s a shame. That’s why I’m providing these tips in the first place...to help with that, to help writers get through these absolutely normal things that we don’t look forward to but will experience. It’s better to know this now than have false expectations, and to be prepared to turn those negatives into positives. That’s what my posts are really about.

Lee Lowery said...

So funny - I had one of these in my law office for years - gifted to me by another lawyer/writer. Now it will have a place of honor in my writing room. Nasty comments are hard to deal with - one just has to separate from it. I was in a writing class that exchanged work with other students - my critique partner made hateful remarks about a political slant that simply wasn't part of my work. The issue was hers, not mine. Still . . .. Sorry you're under the weather - great excuse for ice cream, though!

Mark said...

Hope you feel better soon! As for hard criticism, it's just part of the game. But for every bad review there's several good ones:)

Sandra Hoover said...

Oh my goodness - a dammit doll. Never heard of it before. I find long walks & hot baths soothe my ruffled feathers. And a glass of wine never hurts. lol I also take what I can (if anything) from the criticism and ignore the rest.

Hope you're feeling better soon, Chys!

Carrie-Anne said...

I know about voodoo dolls, but not dammit dolls. I hope your recovery goes smoothly, and that you're on the path to healing soon.

Rebecca M. Douglass said...

I've been lucky enough to not have any really hard-to-swallow comments so far. Of course, that raises the fear that it's simply because no one is reading my work! I like the doll, though it kind of freaks me out, too.

I usually burn off stress in some kind of physical activity--hiking or biking or killing weeds in my garden (always plenty of those).

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Chrys Fey said...

And I want to make it clear these are not voodoo dolls. lol

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be able to do the doll. I would feel so bad hitting it. I'm going to blame Toy Story for why.

Raimey Gallant said...

I hope you feel better soon, Chrys. I want you to know...that the ellipsis break here was me getting up to punch my pillow for you. I love the idea of a dammit doll. I may have to try that. My sister used to have a punching bag, and I'd honestly like one of those too. :)

Lisa said...

I've never heard of a dammit doll! What a great idea. Hitting doesn't do it for me, yelling does! I try not to yell at anyone but into my pillow, or if I'm alone, I yell out loud and then crack up because it sounds so stupid! Great release of tension! If you'll send me what I need, I can post for you on Friday the 9th of June... http://lisabuiecollard.com I think you have my email address, if not, let me know and I'll send it to you.

Lisa Thomson said...

The dammit doll is a great idea! :) I punch pillows when frustrated. It's true that our first reaction to negative feedback is But...

I will certainly host your 10 Sparks book blurb post. I'll fill out the box.

Patsy said...

Love the idea of a dammit doll!

Wishing you a speedy recovery from your op.

Anonymous said...

Feel better soon, Chrys! That dammit doll is such a fantastic idea. I can host your blurb although I don't have many followers...so just let me know.

Elsie

Meka James said...

Aww get well soon!!! And LOL love it. I've never heard of the Damnit Doll but it's a great idea. And your idea for the email. Say thanks before tossing out the critique.

Pat Hatt said...

haha first I've heard of a dammit doll. Fun rhyme comes with it too. I just ignore the trolls. Never feed them. And one has to remember that they will never please everyone.

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hope you feel better soon!

Like Pat, I never heard of a Dammit Doll either. I just rant and rave usually LOL. That's usually enough for me, I don't need to get "physical." Great idea though.

Liz A. said...

I hope you feel better soon.

There are two kinds of criticism: where the writer is trying to help your book be better and where the writer is feeding their own ego (by putting you down). Ignore the second kind. There is no value there. The first kind... It's meant well, so take it with a grain of salt. There might be some help.

When I'm criticized, I try to think of it that way. And then I have no need of a damnit doll ;)

Chrys Fey said...

I try to think of it that way, too, but criticism that puts you down can still hurt, even if you try to ignore it. It can still pop into your head and bother you. A Dammit Doll could help with that frustration.

I once had a critic by an author trying to be helpful who was very rude in her delivery. And used harsh words. So there is a middle ground between those two kinds of criticism. And it’s that kind that hurts the most.

Natalie Aguirre said...

Hope you feel better soon. Love the idea of the doll. I could definitely use one of those.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

A friend made me a dammit doll years ago. It's pretty cool. Hope you feel better. I think recovery is quick after the first few days.

Nas said...

Hi Chrys,

I do hope you get better soon. Awesome idea for the doll.

Beverly Stowe McClure said...

What a neat doll. I could use one of those at times. I hope you're good as new soon, Chrys. Congratulations on your soon to be released book.

Sarah Foster said...

My great grandmother made us dammit dolls when we were little. Not sure what happened to them. I could probably use one.
Hope you're feeling better!

Olga Godim said...

I love your idea of a dammit doll. And I hate harsh criticism, so the doll is in order, right? Thanks for the advice.
Hope you recover soon from your surgery.

Victoria Marie Lees said...

Darling, I hope you have a speedy recovery. I'm praying for that. I would have trouble destroying such a cute doll, Chrys.

New Release Books said...

Hope you get better soon!

Kalpana said...

Dammit dolls are a great idea - ranting and raving without one is how I usually do it.

Toi Thomas said...

Hope your recovery is going well. Thanks for sharing your knowledge of the dammit doll. Need me one of those.

Magic Love Crow said...

Feel better soon!!!
I love that dammit doll! Too funny!
Big healing hugs!

Chrys Fey said...

I was very fortunate. I had a couple of bad nights and a few bad moments here and there, but it wasn't as awful as people said it would be. Thanks!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you so much for filling out the form, Ellen! I appreciate your help. :)

Chrys Fey said...

You're welcome. :)

Chrys Fey said...

I'm feeling better now. Thank you!

Chrys Fey said...

That sounds like the perfect thing to take out aggression during a football game.

Chrys Fey said...

A Dammit Doll is loads of fun. ;)

Thanks, Ronel! I a feeling better now.

Chrys Fey said...

Cleaning and exercising are great ways to release stress and both are very productive activities, too.

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, Yolanda!

Chrys Fey said...

Haha! Yes, I did scared my cats once. Now, I go somewhere where I can close a door.

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you!

Writing it out is a great way to vent.

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, Juneta!

Chrys Fey said...

I haven't had chocolate since my surgery. I am craving it. :(

Thanks!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Rachna!

Chrys Fey said...

I miss biking! I haven't ridden a bike in years when I had to get rid of my bike for a move.

Chrys Fey said...

Really? That is awesome. I was curious to see if anyone would know what a Dammit Doll is. My Dammit Doll is now on my desk. It used to be there before I moved it for space reasons. Now it's back. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Great point!

Thanks, Mark! I am feeling better now.

Chrys Fey said...

Hot baths are my go-to solution at the end of bad days. They always do the trick.

Thanks, Sandra!

Chrys Fey said...

If the doll freaks you out a little, it'll be easier to hit it. LOL!!!

Using a physical activity to burn off stress is smart and productive. Healthy, too.

Thanks!

Chrys Fey said...

You crack me up. But...maybe because they dolls are made for it, they enjoy it? :P

Chrys Fey said...

Haha! Thanks for punching a pillow for me. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Yelling can definitely release pent-up energy.

Thanks for signing up! I believe I have you'll email address. I'll have to double check.

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you so much for signing up for my release day announcement, Lisa! I really appreciate your help. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Patsy!

Chrys Fey said...

I would love it if you could host me. Thank you!

Chrys Fey said...

It's always good to be polite, even if someone wasn't polite first. Thanks, Meka!

Chrys Fey said...

I thought the Cat would enjoy that rhyme.

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, Michael!

Ranting and raving does work like a charm.

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Natalie!

Chrys Fey said...

That's neat! You're the second person to say they have a Dammit Doll. :D

Thanks, Susan!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Nas!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you Beverly! And thank you so much for signing up!

Chrys Fey said...

Really? Wow. I love that!

Thanks, Sarah. I am feeling better. :)

Chrys Fey said...

You're welcome, Olga! And thank you!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Victoria!

Don't think of it as "destroying." They hold up pretty well. ;)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you!

Chrys Fey said...

Either way works great.

Chrys Fey said...

I am doing much better. Thanks, Toi!

Thanks for signing up for my release announcement!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you so much! Hugs!!!

Kelly Steel said...

I trust you are feeling better now. Hugs.

J.H. Moncrieff said...

What an awesome idea! I've never heard of a Dammit Doll before, but talk about something every writer needs!

Nas said...

Hi Chrys, I dropped by to see how you were doing and to let you know I;ve got a post about Unblocking the Writers- dealing with Writers Block.

Yanting Gueh said...

Hope you're feeling much better, Chrys! That dammit doll is a good idea though I also think it looks creepy, lol. (Am still recovering from a nightmare yesterday - supernatural elements were involved.) Anyway, I hit "the library" when I'm in a poor mood. It's been proven to be my best remedy.

Deniz Bevan said...

Hope your recovery's going well!

Chrys Fey said...

A lot better now. :)

Chrys Fey said...

We all need something or someway to help relieve our stress, right? ;)

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, I’ll check it out. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Hey, Claudine! It’s been a long time. I hope you’re good. :) The library is s great place to be to unwind and seek inspiration.

Chrys Fey said...

Thanks, Deniz! I am all better now. :)

DMS said...

I have never heard of a dammit doll- but I loved the poem and the picture. I am going to get one. Very useful!

Glad to hear you are doing better now after your tonsillectomy. :)
~Jess