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September 04, 2013

I Am An Insecure Writer

*takes a deep breath*

Hello. My name is Chrys Fey, and I am an insecure writer.

*sits back down*

I created this blog on January 1st 2012 to help aspiring writers to write a novel from beginning to end. The funny thing is I can confidently tell others what it takes to write a novel, and how to improve their writing and manuscript, but I still have insecurities about my own writing.

I started seriously writing at the tender age of twelve. I had always loved to write stories, poems, and I was probably the only kid in my class who actually enjoyed the state writing tests. Growing up, my mom was an aspiring writer. When she worked as a librarian assistant in my elementary school she’d read her own children’s stories to the classes that came to visit. She was a real hit, and seeing that made me so proud.

My mom’s passion soon ignited my own, but it was when I found a rusty screw with a crooked tip that my hobby morphed into something magical. I got my first idea for a book while holding that screw, and quickly realized my dream of being a writer. I wrote every day until I had to leave school in the 11th grade. Then my writing stopped. I thought for sure my muse had run off to Paris, as my imaginary friend had, but after a while I uncovered the truth; the series I started when I was twelve was too immature for the adult mind I developed. So. I took on the task of rewriting my series from book one.

I recently finished writing the fourth and last book of my supernatural-thriller series, and I am seeking representation. At the moment, I have a few published short stories and a couple of poems under my belt, but I am not any closer to publishing my series, or to changing the situation I am stuck in.

In my past, I have suffered from depression and in July I experienced a low point. Here is a part of a message that I sent to my best friend:
“. . .  but I am not optimistic. Nothing ever works out for me. I know, I know, gotta be positive, but I am in a very depressed state today. It’s been five years since I’ve moved to [a new city in Florida] and nothing (and I mean nothing!) has changed for me. I’m tired of it! I don’t want to be in this situation much longer, so God needs to hurry things along!”
Now I’m sure God doesn’t like to be threatened but he definitely heard me, because that same night an editor from The Wild Rose Press offered me a contract for my romantic-suspense, “Hurricane Crimes”!

I may be publishing an eBook, but I am still an insecure writer, and I may always be. At least I’m in good company! :)


How did you start your writing journey?
Who do you look up to?
Have you experienced a low point in your writing journey? 
How did you conquer it?


Kelly Hashway said...

I think we all get insecure at times no matter where we are in this journey. I have a series out now and more on the way, but I still feel insecure, especially when a new book releases.

Chrys Fey said...

Yes, but sometimes we think we are the only one. lol So it's nice to know that other writers still experience insecurity, especially ones farther along in the writing journey. :) Thank you for your comment, Kelly!

Unknown said...

Hi Chrys, welcome to IWSG! There is nothing wrong with admitting you're insecure because like you say: you're in good company! And congrats on your contract! An ebook is a book is a book! You should be VERY proud of yourself.

To answer your questions:
How did you start your writing journey?
Seriously when I was around 20. I decided that I wanted to be a writer and began getting up at 5:00 am to write. I still do.
Who do you look up to?
Writers who are brave enough to share their stories even when they're afraid.
Have you experienced a low point in your writing journey? Yep. Rejection after rejection after rejection...
How did you conquer it?
I kept writing! And knock on wood, I survived:)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Quanie! I am proud. :) And overwhelmed. lol

Although I started writing at twelve, I was seventeen when I really committed, finished the first book in my series, and started sending queries to agents.

Oh yes . . . rejections. I don't even know how many I've received over the years, but it's been so many that I actually expect to get rejections now. Not because I'm being negative, but because it's easier instead of having my hopes dashed every time.

Thank you for answering my questions! It was nice to get to know you a little more.

Nissa Annakindt said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I started to think of myself as a writer as a child because I spent all my time making up stories in my head, but because I have Asperger Sydrome and also many insecurities and fears as a result, I have had difficulty actually writing my stories down and sharing them with others. But I'm working on it. Sometimes it seems like my whole writing journey has been one long low point, but because of the internet and Facebook, for the first time in my life, I have a few friends (Facebook friends) and that really helps. Especially when a writer I admire, Karina Fabian, actually said something nice about something I'd written!

Unknown said...

Wow, Chrys, a brave story. Really touching that you mentioned as if in passing that you had to leave school in 11th grade. Insecure writers (and I'm one) are so easily intimidated... Thankfully, having an MFA in writing, etc, does NOTHING to make you a writer. The drive and moxie I see in you is the key thing. I didn't have half your drive as a kid...I never even completed a story until I was in my 40s.

Unknown said...

And CONGRATULATIONS on your publication!! For me, that's helped sooooo much. And I could paper Versailles with my rejection slips...

Unknown said...

Hi,good to meet you and good luck with your search for representation. Publishing an eBook yourself is fairly easy if you take it step by step. I downloaded the how to book from Kindle, and just followed their instructions. Then no need to pay someone and simple to add to the Kindle site. Just ask if you need too. Kind regards,and thank you for your kind comments. Carole.

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Carole! My eBook will be published by The Wild Rose Press, an amazing publishing company that I am blessed to be a part of. But I still have to do quite a lot to help my eBook. Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it! :)

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

Congratulations, Chrys. I'm guest hosting today, and I'm so glad to meet you. Your story is reminiscent of so many writers. That's the wonderful thing about IWSG, it brings us together. My story's too long for this comment, but I'm glad you made me think back to those days. Good memories.

Chrys Fey said...

THANK YOU, Helen!! :)

lol Are we crazy for keeping our rejection slips? Maybe when I get representation for my series and get published in print, I'll take all my rejections and create some serious art. ;)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you for your kind words! Leaving school was a tough time for me, and for many, many years I was ashamed about it and insecure over the fact that I got my GED, but I am slowly learning how to open up about it to others. I definitely believe that you don't need an MFA to be an amazing writer. :) Thank you so much, again! And I wish you the best of luck with your writing!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you for your comment, Nissa! And thank you for sharing a little bit of your story with me. :) The fact that you are getting the courage to share your writing despite having Asperger Syndrome, insecurities, and fears says you are a fighter (a writing fighter)! ;) Keep your chin up! <3

Chrys Fey said...

Hello, Joylene! I am so thrilled to be a part of this group, and to have the opportunity to meet fellow writers. And I am happy that I was able to make you recall good memories. :) Thank you for visiting my blog! :)

River Fairchild said...

Welcome to IWSG and don't feel alone about your insecurities. I've been dealing with depression lately, too. It's tough to climb out from under it, although since you told me I could lean on you even if you fell over, we'll have to climb out from under each other between fits of laughter. ;)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you! I am happy to be among you and such great writers!

LOL! Oh I have a feeling we're going to become great friends, while we trip over each other. ;)

Patsy said...

Completing a four book series and having an ebook published are both impressive - but our insecurities don't seem to notice stuff like that, do they?

Chrys Fey said...

When you say it like that, my writing achievements do sound pretty impressive for little ole me, but you're right . . . our insecurities don't let us notice our achievements. Damn, insecurities! lol ;)

~Jennifer~ said...

Welcoe to the IWSG! It's really hard to hear about someone suffering from depression because I know what it feels like. I've been clinically depressed for a long time, so I'm sorry you're experiencing depression, too. Life's already difficult enough as it is.

Congratulations on your big news! I think that's really great! And you're published, too! That's something to be very proud of. Thanks so much for stopping by my post! :)

Diane Burton said...

Is it crazy or what that when you're at your lowest point something comes along to lift you up? God works in mysterious ways. Congrats on the contract with TWRP. My first book with them comes out at the end of this month.

Georgina Morales said...

This is a very nice group, indeed. So nice to have you among us!! And congrats on your book. Do not loose faith, it may take a while but things will fall in place sooner or later. Keep writing and making good friends, that's the real secret of life. =)

Suzanne Furness said...

Welcome to IWSG, so nice to meet you today. You have achieved much to be proud of already. Keep going and believe that you will realize your dream.

Chrys Fey said...

It is hard to hear about others suffering from depression. I am sorry for your struggles with it, and hope you are doing better. :)

THANK YOU!!! I am proud and anxious. lol You're welcome, Jennifer! I'll be stopping by again, no doubt. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Life and God certainly are mysterious. ;) Thank you so much!

And CONGRATULATIONS to you!!! If you'd like to do a book blast to promote your book I'd love to host you! :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Georgina! That was just what I needed to hear. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you for the warm welcome and kind words, Suzanne! :)

PK HREZO said...

Hi Chrys! Welcome to the group! Great to meet you. :)

Congrats on the contract! I def get that depressed feeling, and I think most writers do. We have to deal with so much rejection. That's why groups like ours are so important to lift each other up. I've been writing seriously for five years and experienced all of it. I really look up to those who plow through and make their dreams reality. I've had to separate myself from negative people, but it's been the best thing I could've done.

Good luck to you and with your book! :D

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Congratulations! God worked really fast.
My lowest point as far as writing was not long after my second book was published, because I didn't write anything for over six months. (Fortunately everything else was rocking at the time, so that got me through it.)
Welcome to the IWSG - you are in the right place!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you! . . . I've been depressed because of writing, and for much harder reasons, but depression either way is difficult. Over the past six years I've had a lot of lows with writing. Now I am finally having some ups. :)

Oh yes, I am seeing how wonderful this group is; I already feel so great thanks to you and everyone else who has commented. Thank you so much! And good luck to you too!!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Alex! And thank you for creating this AMAZING group! I feel so welcome. And I am meeting such wonderful writers/people. :D

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Chrys
Congratulations on your contract. I suffer from depression too and understand how the world can seem so bleak. I'm glad your not giving up. Sometimes it takes a life time for change to come and sometimes it doesn't. I hope the change for you is sooner.

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Nancy! :)

Vikki T said...

So glad you decided to join us Chrys :)

Its a FANTASTIC support network!


Chrys Fey said...

I'm glad too! :D

Unknown said...

I might have to sign up for the Insecure Writer's Support Group; I had no clue! Congratulations on your E Book, Chrys. That is fantastic news.
I always loved to write, ever since I was able to speak and spell words. My teachers always told me that my stories were too long; good but long. This is why I know someday, I will write a YA series. I already have it set up in my mind but just have to find the time to work on it because of my other projects. Like Quanie, I too wake up very early in the morning to write because my brain is useless at night; except for when I am dreaming.
Growing up, my mother was a creative also, but she loved to paint and draw. She also taught me how to read before I started school so I guess it was in my blood to write and fall in love with art and words. I used to love everything magical when I was little; mermaids, witches, unicorns, distant worlds, ect. I still do=)
My low point was only a few years ago when I had stopped writing because I was caught up in the wrongs. I conquered this by putting my passion back as a number one priority and put an end to the things that were getting in my way. When we fall, it is up to us to find that inner strength and I'm glad you found it to be here with us, Chrys!

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, and you should definitely sign up, Gina!

I loved reading your comment and getting to know you even more, friend. :) Unlike you and Quanie, I am not a morning person. So I will leave the early morning writing to the two of you! lol I haven't written much in a while, but I remember when I first became serious about writing (when I was 17) and I would stay up to 3 a.m. writing. It was great! ;) Now, though, I get my most and best writing done during the late afternoon and evening hours.

My mom is quite artistic as well. She likes to quilt, knit, and paint ceramics. And I too love everything magical. When I was little I wanted to be a witch. Seriously, I wanted to cast spells and everything! ;)

It definitely is up to us to find that inner strength, and I'm glad we both found it! <3

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the club, Chrys!

I've had a lot of ups and downs in my writing journey, since I first tried printing down a story when I was still somewhere in my single-digits. ;) It's amazing to look back at how many skills I've picked up since then.

Yanting Gueh said...

Congratulations on your ebook, Chrys. There is always insecurity resting in my chest when it comes to writing (and almost everything else). Sometimes it's strong. Sometimes it's rough. Once I check out excellent books from the library, my faith is renewed that one day I might be able to reach the stars. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you!

Oh yes! I have a couple of stories that I wrote when I was 6 and they are a little embarrassing. lol But like you said, looking back at my earlier works, even from when I was 12, is neat because I can see how much I've grown as a writer. :)

Chrys Fey said...

Thank you, Claudine!

One day, I hope we are both among the stars. ;)

Fi said...

Hi Chrys,

Insecurity is a human condition - it wanes and waxes - so nothing to be ashamed of or scared of either.

My writing journey began at an early age when I was knocked down on the way home from school. The couple of months I spent in hospital changed me forever and created the seed of the writer I am now.

I look up to many people - in life and in writing. Inspirational writers include Stephen King, Neil Gaiman and Mary Shelley. Inspirational people include my husband (my critical muse) and my children.

I've hit many difficult periods in my life that have impinged on my writing but I've always just persevered.

Thanks for sharing,

Chrys Fey said...

Hello, Fi! Thank you for sharing your story with me! I have learned that while the difficult moments hurt my writing at the time, it also helps my writing in the logn run because the difficult times inspire stories. :)